With Kevin Bacon featuring in a recent web short extolling the virtues of eggs, who will the next celebs in food crossover ads?
Hollywood, California – Nobody knows eggs better than Bacon. Kevin Bacon, that is. Or so says a sizzling new web short produced by the American Egg Board and starring the tasty-named film star.
In the short, Kevin Bacon makes an appearance in the kitchen of the average midwestern housewife, reclining across the counter-top. They converse, talking over the virtues of eggs – six grams of protein, only seventy calories each! – and they flirt, virtually chasing the woman’s bald husband off to work. It’s funny, informative, and a little salacious.
Now other ad agencies want in on the fun. Who’s next in these crossover ads, and what will they be shilling?
Hormel has reportedly offered actor Jon Hamm a sweet deal to advertise their products, including the American guilty pleasure, Spam. The timing could not be better, what with Mad Men – the show that made the actor’s name a household word – coming to an end. Rumor has it he was the first choice of the AEB for the eggs role, but turned it down due to shooting conflicts with the A&E program. After being passed over as being too old to take on the role of Superman in 2013’s Man of Steel, the aging performer is likely feeling his Hollywood mortality beginning to kick in, and Spam may be just the product to give his career the artificial salty kick in the pants it needs.
Rap artist and film star Ice Cube is being courted by a number of liquor companies, the most aggressive of which is Hennessy. Ice Cube, whose real name is O’Shea Jackson, Sr., has yet to say yes, but most believe one company or another will make him the right offer. Other interested parties? Ciroc, Nuvo, and Crown Royal are all contenders, but some whisper that Jackson is more interested in a deal with Kool-Aid. And why not? With one box office failure after another, it’s time O’Shea moved on to a level of acting worthy of his obvious talent. He may well be one of the 50 top lyricists of all time, but his acting should be limited to saying, “Oh, yeah!”
While other celebrities are being considered by companies who manufacture goods that pair well with their names, former football wide receiver Jerry Rice is in talks with Mahatma to advertise… well, their rice. Taco Bell is said to have contacted Rice, as well, since their overpriced entree burritos are filled with the grain. Kellogg’s also offered him a contract to appear on Rice Krispies box art with Snap, Crackle and Pop, but the ex-49er declined, claiming the trio of elves remind him too much of the way his joints sound after thirty years of battery at the hands of other players in the NFL.
Sir Alec Guinness
There’s really only one celebrity who could advertise for the pinnacle of draught beer in a can. Guinness, the company behind not only the dark, rich, bittersweet stout but also the most respected volume of world records in existence, wants to hire Sir Alec Guinness to advertise their ale. The only problem? Alec Guinness, who played Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars trilogy, passed away fifteen years ago. In this day and age, a little digital magic can bring him to life more accurately than a force ghost on Dagobah, all on the big – or small – screen. Sort of like adding Machete to the Brady Bunch for a Snickers commercial. And admit it, you’d love to see him pop a can open with his lightsaber.
One might think those looking to hire Mr. T would have names like Luzianne or Celestial Seasonings or Lipton, but the company that has expressed the greatest interest in the former A-Team tough guy is Warburton, a respected bakery in England specializing in crumpets. They considered rapper Ice-T, but the former Law & Order SVU actor was already in talks with a rival baking house, so Mr. T got the call. Which is just what your proper Brit needs at three in the afternoon, crumpets and the Mohawked bouncer-turned-actor who played Clubber Lang in the second Rocky film, the man who killed Apollo Creed. “I pity the foo who don’t eat Warburtons!” They’re going to piss their bloody knickers.
The list goes on, from Darryl Strawberry and Halle Berry (who are in talks with the Wisconsin Berry Growers Association, even though strawberries aren’t really berries!) to rocker Meatloaf (who has been courted by Stouffer’s). It makes you wonder just how far this trend will run.
… and who’s going to be amazing enough to return John Candy from the dead.