“I Rewrote Star Wars!” – Paolini’s Epiphany

"I rewrote Star Wars!" - Paolini

Author Christopher Paolini has finally seen what the rest of the internet realized a decade ago: he rewrote Star Wars.

Paradise Valley, Montana – Author Christopher Paolini called a press conference over the weekend to reveal his most recent epiphany.

“It came to me while I was researching my next novel,” the writer of The Inheritance Cycle claimed.

What came to him? Something half the internet figured out a decade ago, that the plot of his first two works, Eragon and Eldest, were lifted from the earliest Star Wars movies, A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back.

"I rewrote Star Wars!" - Paolini

Star Wars, Retold

“I rewrote Star Wars.”

Indeed, there are a number of elements of Paolini’s earliest works seemingly stripped right out of George Lucas’s definitive science fantasy series.

In Eragon, a young boy is raised by his uncle in a backwoods locale. He meets a wizard who offers the boy his father’s sword and tells the boy of a mystical power his family possesses. After the uncle is found dead, he and the wizard begin their journey together, only to meet up with a roguish fellow who doubts the value of the boy’s abilities. The wizard is slain by the right hand of the Emperor. The rogue and the boy then save a princess, fleeing to the rebellion’s stronghold. Not to be outdone, the forces of the Empire follow the trio to the stronghold and lay siege, only to have the young boy make a decisive victory in the final battle.

Just like Star Wars – Episode IV: A New Hope.

“The parallels between Eldest and The Empire Strikes Back are just as shocking,” Paolini said.

"I rewrote Star Wars!" - Paolini

The Empire Breaths Fire Back!

In the second book of The Inheritance Cycle, the young boy travels to a distant land to train in his mystical talent under an ancient master. Before he can complete his training, however, he receives a vision revealing his friends are in trouble. Ignoring his master’s warnings that his training is incomplete, the boy rushes off to face an enemy for which he is not prepared.

To be fair, even Common Sense Media, who famously called Eragon “cliched” with a plot “straight out of Star Wars by way of Lord of the Rings” admits that the five hundred page novel is a notable achievement for a young author. Paolini plotted out the entire series and wrote the first novel during his mid-teens.

Paraphrasing Lucas’s sentiments concerning the Star Wars Holiday Special, Paolini is quoted as saying, “If I had time and a lighter, I’d burn every copy of those books.” He smirked as he added with uncharacteristic swagger, “Just kidding. I’m still making mad bank, so it’s all good.”

Paolini has a new, unique science fiction series in the works, and hopes it will help him break free of the specter of his accidental plagiarism.

“It’s about an innocent kid with dwarfism who inherits an entire ringworld – you know, like on Halo – from his uncle, only to find out his ringworld is the source of power for an interstellar villain. He and a band of eight, including the erstwhile King of the Galaxy, must guide the ringworld to the Doomstar, the only star hot enough to destroy it for good.”

We here at Knozzle wish the thirtysomething author all the best.

Simon Hawk
Chief Diversionist
Simon Hawk is a thinker, writer, satirist, and full-time oddball. As Chief Diversionist of Knozzle, his job is to write, baby, write with the intention of making his audience think and laugh. Or at least chuckle.

When not hunched over his computer, he spends his time on a balcony overlooking the Arkansas River (pronounced ar-KAN-zas, people!) playing Death Metal's Greatest Hits on his diamond-studded kazoo. He sometimes pretends to know the meaning of life, but mostly just knows the meaning of obscure words like "sesquipedalian".

Simon Hawk

Simon Hawk is a thinker, writer, satirist, and full-time oddball. As Chief Diversionist of Knozzle, his job is to write, baby, write with the intention of making his audience think and laugh. Or at least chuckle. When not hunched over his computer, he spends his time on a balcony overlooking the Arkansas River (pronounced ar-KAN-zas, people!) playing Death Metal's Greatest Hits on his diamond-studded kazoo. He sometimes pretends to know the meaning of life, but mostly just knows the meaning of obscure words like "sesquipedalian".